


The 1

by Belensthoughts



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Exes, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25820764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Belensthoughts/pseuds/Belensthoughts
Summary: Inspired by Taylor Swift's song "The 1"Clarke and Bellamy were best friends and dated briefly before Clarke left without a warning. Six years later she comes back town with a twelve year old daughter who attends Bellamy's class.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 91





	The 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I couldn't sleep without writing this. I know it's not my best work, but I really wanted to write something with that song, it just made me feel like it was a Bellarke song. it's almost five in the morning I need some sleep, hopefully you'll like it.  
> Comments and kudos are appreciatted.

Clarke walked through her new living room with nostalgia, it could be her new home but she’d already been there many times as a teenager, when it belonged to her friend Raven. They used to sit by the window and talk about boys and girls or how much Finn fucked them both over and they didn’t need him.

She could see Madi running around, inspecting everything without a clue of what was in her mind, she hadn’t told her daughter about it. After all, the reason she left this all behind was her and she didn’t want the kid to have to grow up with that burden, she had enough on her plate already.

“Do you like it?” asked Clarke trying not to let her feelings show, but Madi was standing in the kitchen, where Raven and her had had their first drink together. 

“I love it, it’s so much bigger than your apartment in Brooklyn”

“It was our apartment and you seemed to like it just fine.”

“That was better than the foster home I was at before I met you.”

“Okay, let’s not think about that. Go pick a bedroom”

Madi smiled bright and started running upstairs and Clarke prayed that she’d pick Raven’s room so it wouldn’t be so weird for her. After all, there were three rooms and two of them had private bathrooms so she didn’t know which one the kid would pick, still, she wanted to give her the satisfaction. She could use small victories like that.

Her phone rang and Raven’s name came into view along with a picture of both of them.

“Hey sunshine!” said the girl instead of a hello.

“Hey, Rae. This is kind of creepy, not gonna lie”

“I figured, which is why I’m on my way with a few bags of comfort food and two guys who want to help moving things around.”

“Who?” her heart started racing thinking of the possibility of him coming along, she knew it was impossible but she still had hope that somehow he’d forgiven her.

“Sorry hon, Monty and Murphy was the best I could do. The Blakes thought I was crazy for renting you my childhood house.”

“And you are, but I don’t know what I would’ve done without you offering that.”

“It’s okay. I’m actually parking outside, see ya.”

“Okay… wait! Rae?”

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t told Madi this was your house, or why I left this town. Can you keep up between us?”

“Of course, it’ll be harder to make these two shut up.”

“Hopefully they’ll have their faces too stuffed to say anything.”

“Fingers crossed.” said the brunette before hanging up. 

Clarke prepared herself, she knew she didn’t tell either of the guys why she left or why she was back, but she also knew that they were supportive enough to be here for her and just help her out instead of pushing for answers. Still it was nerve wracking to see them both after six years of radio silence.

“Hey boo!”

“Hey Rae!”

Both girls run to each other and hugged tight, they hadn’t seen each other since they first saw each other again, four months prior, when Clarke run into her on the city.

“You’re just as hot as the last time I saw you.” complemented Raven making Clarke do a little spin.

“Thank you, you’re hotter than what I remember”

“And what about me? I’d say I aged like fine wine"

“Yeah Murphy, you’re a lot less lanky than when we were teenagers.” intervened Monty before smiling to Clarke, when she smiled back he gave her an awkward hug and walked around the room to pretend like it was very interesting to look at.

“If you want a piece of this, you just gotta ask, Green.”

“I see you’re just like in the old times.”

“Nah, I’m funnier.” he just looked at her from the distance and a sardonic smile, but he was here, so she knew there were no hard feelings between them, just lack of information.

“Emori would kill me.”

“We can always swap, I’ve seen the way Harper looks at my wife.”

“You’re married?!”

“It’s been six years, Clarke, some of us grew up.”

“Well, I..”

“Mom?” asked Madi coming down the stairs, very confused at the new faces in her new house.

“Oh, hi Madi. Let me introduce you to my friends.” 

“You don’t have friends.”

“Now don’t be rude. I told you about them, Raven, Monty and Murphy.”

“Oh yeah, hi,”

“Who’s the hobbit?” asked Murphy with a very confused face.

“I thought you’d be funnier” responded Madi without missing a beat, making Clarke smile.

“Behave yourselves, you two. Madi’s my kid.”

“How? you didn’t leave 10 years ago, right?”

“I’m 12 actually.”

“I’ve adopted her, a couple of years ago. She was my foster kid before that in New York.”

“Oh, so that’s why…”

“Hey!” yelled Raven interrupting Murphy, “we came here to help, not to talk. Come on boys, there’s boxes to bring down the truck.

“Thank you” mouthed Clarke before going to her truck to tell them what to bring down and whatnot. She had already had delivered some furniture and the bigger stuff a few days prior but those needed to be assembled, so they tried to do everything as quickly as possible to be able to eat something before they had to go home.

By the time they were done they ate in silence and made small talk, but it was one in the morning so they left quickly enough and Clarke could sleep on her room (Raven’s parent’s room, thank God).

The next day she and Madi went to walk around town, she needed to get used to her new city and Clarke needed to see as much people as possible, so that word would travel fast enough to help her avoid the Blakes as much as possible.

She knew it was impossible, especially because she was going to start working on the hospital in a few days, it’s hard not to run into people when you’re an essential worker.

“Look! There’s a retro restaurant!” yelled Madi interrupting her thoughts. Good thing, because she was starting to get anxious again.

“Do you want to have lunch here?”

“Yeah! But not yet, I wanted to check out the mall first”

“Okay, it’s just a few blocks away.”

“Why are you letting me make all the decisions?”

“Because I lived here, I know how everything looks and tastes, this is new for you. That doesn’t mean that’s how it’s going to work from now on, just for the weekend.”

“Well, I want to take full advantage on it then, how about we go to the lake after lunch?”

“We’d have to go home to get the truck, though.”

“It’s not that far, c’mon, we lived in New York.”

“Fine. But I don’t want you to make excuses tomorrow for not going to school.”

“Okay.”

Clarke smiled, she knew that they’d have problems the next day. Madi was awful with changes, when she first got home she was sick everyday and anytime something different came into picture she’d get a stomachache. She was getting better at it, which is why she finally accepted the job in her hometown. Which reminded her...

“Abby wants us to go see her tomorrow after school”

“Okay, I don’t mind”

That was easy, Madi didn’t like Abby at first but the last time she was in New York they kind of got along better. Still, she didn’t know what to expect from their relationship now that they were closer to her house.

Good thing was, Abby was respecting their boundaries, she knew how Madi was by now and she knew she needed to let her breathe before seeing her home. 

They walked around while Clarke’s heart was stammering the whole way and when they were going back home she could’ve sworn she saw Bellamy on a bus stop and she stopped breathing for a few seconds, until she realized it was someone else. 

“Is everything okay?” asked Madi from a few steps ahead of her, she didn’t realize she had stopped walking too.

“Yeah, I thought I forgot something on the restaurant.”

Madi eyed her, somewhat worried and suspicious, but if there was something she knew about was keeping things to yourself, so she just kept walking.

She was a good kid. 

The bad thing was, that she couldn’t stop thinking about him now, and as they drove towards the lake it was like every place she ever went with him lit up. 

The restaurant they had their first date at, the streets they used to walk to get home from school, the ice cream shop were they used to go when either of them was sad, the pizza place were he asked her if she’d kiss him to make a girl jealous. 

When they got to the lake it was like seeing herself and her group of friends playing in the water, her in his shoulders when Murphy was carrying Raven and trying to push the other. When they made a little fire by the shore at night and he took her hand for the very first time. When they kissed behind her friends so they wouldn’t see. Those days when everything was amazing and she didn’t know a bad day.

When he was by her side and the world was right. 

But then a little hand took hers and smiled at her, probably reading her sad expression and she told herself that she’d do it again, because Madi was worth it. Maybe she’d let him in so he would still be in her life, as a friend, but if telling him meant Madi wasn’t in the picture, as much as her heart broke, she’d do it again.

* * *

When friday came she got a phone call from Raven, she couldn’t pick up because she was with a patient, but when she was getting out of the hospital she called her back.

“What’s going on?”

“Hello to you too. Damn, six years being a mom and you still have no manners.”

“That’s why I have no manners, kids mess you up like that.”

“Fine, so I was thinking, how about you come to the bar and you can destress a little from your job and your kid.”

“I can’t leave her alone, Raven.”

“She’s been alone for a few hours already, you can leave her for a couple of hours.”

“It’s not that simple, Rae.”

“I think you’re making up excuses.”

“I’m really not. She has a thing for punctuality. It’s the trauma, when her parents died she was alone at home, no one came to check up on her on hours and now when she’s alone for too long she always thinks the worst thing will happen.”

“How did you deal with that in New York?”

“We had a babysitter, but only when I was working. I didn’t really have a social life, Rae. I told you, I devoted myself to her.”

“Well, that’s sad. How about I go to your house to drink, then? You came here last week and I’d like to have some alone time already.”

“Okay, that’d be nice. I’ll text after we have dinner.”

“Okay, see ya.”

She drove home and Madi was anxiously waiting for her on the living room while doing homework.

“Hey, kid.”

“Hey… how was your day?” she asked without looking at her eyes, so Clarke knew exactly what this was: she had a bad day and wanted to talk about it but didn’t want to say a bad thing first, she wanted Clarke to tell her a bad thing too.

“Awful. An elderly man didn’t want to stay on her stretcher so we had to sedate him and he bit a nurse in the process and pissed himself. Then, a guy started screaming because he didn’t like what I said to him, he said I didn’t know what I was talking about and that he wanted a guy doctor. I almost picked a fight with him, but just told him thatthere weren’t any working and if he’d like to see a second opinion he could.”

“I’m proud of you, I would’ve kicked him in the nuts.”

“I wanted to, so badly.”

There was some silence and Clarke started walking towards the kitchen to reheat some dinner for the both of them when she heard Madi clearing her throat.

“I need to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.”

“I might have had an issue with a teacher”

“Already?”

“Yeah...he said he might need to speak with you.”

“Might? Is he giving me a schedule or something?”

“No, he said that if I kept talking like that he’d ask for a meeting with you.”

“What did you say?”

“I might have cursed.”

“Madi!” she chastised looking at her again and she looked at her shoes.

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Of course you did or you wouldn’t have done it.”

“I just… he was trashing New York.”

“And why did that irritate you so much?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t such a big fan of living there, but it did feel bad to listen to him talking like that about it.”

“What did you say?”

“I asked a classmate if he always talked shit about New York.”

Clarke turned around, because she wanted to smile at that, at least she was making friends already.

“And the teacher heard you?”

“Yeah, he has a really good ear.” Clarke started taking stuff from the bridge, not really worried about it, she just had a sharp tongue and forgot how to react sometimes, it wasn’t such a bad thing. “He was just so inspired in his rant against the city that I thought he wouldn’t listen to me, but they all say that mister Blake always catches them.”

Thank God that she had her back to Madi because her face distorted the moment she listened to that and she almost dropped a plate.

“Mis… mister Blake?”

“Yeah, he has a really weird name… something like Baloney”

“Bellamy.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Do you know him?”

She wanted to tell her daughter how well she knew him, how they fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and how six years later she still dreamt about his body next to hers. But she couldn’t, she didn’t want to make her feel guilty for decisions she made six years ago, so she decided to say a partial truth.

“We went to high school together. And also college.”

“Huh. He kind of looked at me weird when he saw your name as my parent”

“He… he saw it?”

“Yeah, he was saying that he wanted to make you go to school to talk about it, but then he saw your name and looked at me weird and then he said that he’d give me a second chance. I bet he didn’t like you, he didn’t seem too eager to see you.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“Is there a story there?”

“No, just animosity. Let’s eat so you can go to bed, Reven it’s coming to have some drinks with me.”

“Don’t let her leave afterwards, she can sleep here, right?”

“Of course. I’ll tempt her with pancakes for breakfast.”

They ate while speaking of lighter topics, but Clarke couldn’t stop going over their previous conversation, Bellamy knew she was here because Raven told him and Octavia, but he didn’t know about Madi. He did now. She didn’t know how to feel about it, but now she knew she needed to prepare for a future run in with him in school. Some parent teacher conference in the future would have to be the awkward encounter.

“Can I watch a movie while you’re here with Raven?”

“Okay, but I don’t want you to stay up too late. Just one movie.”

“Okay, I’ll go brush my teeth and get into bed.” she got up from the table and then kissed Clarke’s cheek, “good night. I’ll do the dishes tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

She texted Raven and asked her to bring a lot of buzz, because she needed it.

“How bad is it?” asked the brunette the second she walked through the door.

“Bellamy’s Madi’s teacher”

“Oh… I thought it’d take you longer to figure out.”

“What? You knew?”

“He teaches at our middle school, of course I knew the second you told me she was going to attend it. But it’s chill, right? Water under the bridge?”“It’s not that simple. He was about to make me go to school because Madi swore and when he saw my name he decided to give her another chance. He really doesn’t want to see me.”

“I get it, I didn’t either. If I hadn’t seen you in New York looking like a truck run over you I don’t think I would’ve stopped.”

“Thank God you did.” She sighted before sitting on the couch, Raven followed suit and then they filled their glasses with the rosé wine that she brought.

“How’s everything?” asked Raven before taking a sip.

“Better. She’s been adapting good and she said she liked her new therapist, but she didn’t tell her much, it was to be expected.”

“Yeah...good news is you’re not drowning in debt anymore.”

“That’s just because you’re renting me this house and my mom got me a job that paid much more here.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t want to use your connections sooner”

“I had already used the money my dad left me to pay for Madi’s parent’s funerals and all that stuff, plus to buy the apartment in New York with everything in it, the truck and to pay for Madi’s school. I had only a few thousand dollars left in case of an emergency and I was already taking some of it to buy groceries.”

“Then what debts did you have?”

“My mom had some, she didn’t want to sell the house and, as you know, she fell into a spiral after my dad died and had to go to rehab a couple of times, she had already run out of a lot of her money because of her addiction and I had to pay for her house’s bills and therapy and Madi’s therapy and well.. things weren’t pretty the last year.”

“How did she find you a job here, then?”

“She had a lot of friends in the hospital, she always said that they wanted me to be here and that I could make double what I was making there, but I couldn’t just move Madi. Arkadia is a nice little town, but New York was all she knew and she’s bad with changes. It took a lot of convincing and planning. She could also see how drained I was from working so much.”

“She seems like a good kid.”

“She is. That’s why I couldn’t leave her in the system. And now, thanks to you, we can finally settle down here.”

“It’s okay. Nobody lives here anyway since I moved in with Zeke. It was about time I did something with it.”

“Thank you, really, if you hadn’t offered me this house with delayed payment, I don’t know what I would’ve done.”

“You would’ve found the way, Clarke. You’re Clarke Griffin, you get shit done. That’s how it’s always been.”

“Yeah, but I always had you guys...I always had… Bellamy.”

“When are you going to tell him what really happened?”

“I don’t think it’ll change anything. I didn’t handle it the way I should’ve.”

“You know he’s a lot less harsh than you are, he’ll forgive you.”

“I don’t think he should. I fucked up, Rae. He… he’s probably forgotten about me, probably has a girlfriend and a dog and he’s happy. Why would he want me to come into his life now?”

“He does have a dog, but he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore. You could give it a try.”

“No, he wouldn’t want me to. I left him, Rae. He won’t want me to try to get into his life again, he’ll think I’ll just leave again. I know him. Or at least I did.”

“I think you’re projecting. He was devastated when you left, tried to get a hold of your mom to know where you went, but she wasn’t home. You wouldn’t call anyone back and then we heard that your dad died in New York and Bellamy was about to go there to look for you until Octavia convinced him otherwise, she said that if you wanted him there, you’d call.”

“And I never did.”

“No, you didn’t. Maybe you should now, tell him what happened.”

“I don’t think I’m ready. Plus, it’s okay, Raven. I’m doing fine and so is he, we don’t need each other, it’d be fun if we were still in each other’s lives but I don’t think it’s possible anymore.” Raven looked like she was going to say something but Clarke stopped putting her hand on her friend’s leg, “Rae, stop it. We weren’t just best friends, we were dating.We’re exes. I can’t just barge into his life like that didn’t happen and we were just friends who lost touch.”

She poured herself another glass and Raven sighed before drinking her whole glass.

“Okay, do you want to keep talking about it, or…?”

“No, tell me about Zeke.”

“He’s handsome and smart. Faithful, too.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah”

They kept talking until Clarke’s eyes starting to close on their own and then both of them went to sleep to Clarke’s bed.

* * *

Two months later, Clarke was looking at Raven and Madi building a tree house while she was cooking for them when Raven’s phone lit up with a name: Bellamy.

She didn’t pick it up, but she looked at the picture in it. He had a beard and his hair was very long, he wasn’t as thin either, but he looked good. He looked amazing, actually, just as handsome as he was six years ago. 

She imagined that even if he didn’t have a girlfriend anymore, as Raven had told her multiple times, he was still handsome enough to just pick up girls the way he did in school. Hell, he could probably pick them up on internet with pictures like that, he didn’t even need to move from his couch. 

She had looked at his instagram account the other day, he had traveled some places on his own, he had went to the parks they had talked about going when they were young, to Italy and France too. He was doing great and she was happy for him.

She had taken Madi to Italy too, when she first got her and she still had her money. Her mom hadn’t told her she was addicted to pills and she thought she had money to take care of herself. 

It was a great trip and she had a lot of fun, she needed to stop pinning for him, she had made a decision and she liked her decision. Bellamy was just Madi’s teacher now, what they had happened a lifetime ago and they were grown adults now.

Just because she had to see him next week on the parent teacher conference, didn’t mean she had to tell him everything that happened and how it happened. 

She just needed to chill.

Raven and Madi got inside laughing and she could finally have a distraction from her thoughts. 

“How’s it coming together?”

“We’re doing great, but I need to eat and then run, otherwise I’ll be late.” responded Raven walking up to her phone to see the time. “Damn it, they’ve already called.”

“It’s almost ready, help me set the table and we can eat.”

“Great.”

“Do you have a date, auntie Raven?”

“Look who’s a gossip.” she said smiling, she loved when Madi called her that. “No, me and a few friends get together on saturday’s”

“Oh, so they’re friends you made after mom left.”

“Umm… yeah”

Clarke thanked Raven with her eyes, she really didn’t like lying to her daughter but when someone else did, it was easier. She just had to omit stuff.

“Why don’t you go, mom? You sure need some new friends.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“You’re okay, auntie Raven, but you’re just one. And uncle Monty and auntie Harper are fine too but they’ve only came to see you three times, you said that if we came here you’d have more of a social life.”

“And I do, I didn’t have friends in New York. I have three here.”

“And what about your other friends? I’ve seen the pictures, you were a big group.”

“Why are you asking so much? Do you want the house for yourself tonight? Do you want to throw a party?”

“No, actually I was going to ask mom if I could go to my friend’s house.”

“Who?”

“Aria, she invited me and a few other friends to watch a movie at seven. I wasn’t going to go but I think maybe I need a social life too.”

“Are you sure you want to go and you’re not just saying that so I go out?”

“I’m sure. I like Aria and she invited Ethan, too, who plays soccer with me. If I get bored or uncomfortable I’ll call you.”

“Okay, you can go. But I don’t think I want to go out tonight, maybe next week.”

“Mom, c’mon.”

“Mads, eat your food. you have to go shower if you want to go to Aria’s, you’ve sweat too much outside.”

“Fine.”

“You know you’re welcome to come Clarke.” said Raven once Madi had gone upstairs.

“No, I’m not. Bellamy and Octavia will be there and I don’t think they’ll welcome me.”

“It would be better if you see him before you have to go to the parent teacher thing.”

“No, it’ll be alright. We’ll be professional and that’d be enough.”

“Clarke…”

“Raven, it’s okay. I’m fine, stop trying to make me see him again, I’m not going to be the same girl I was just because I see him. I’ve changed and I’m fine with it.”

“No, you’re not. But I won’t try to make you see that anymore, I’ll just go now.”

Raven left and Clarke hated that she left mad, but she was feeling cornered by her best friend and her daughter and she really couldn’t see Bellamy right now.

“I’m ready” screamed Madi while walking down the stairs and she took her car keys and drove her to her friend’s house.

She stayed home watching netflix until Madi called her to come pick her up and when she got into the car she could see that her daughter wasn’t thrilled with her staying at home.

“Please don’t start, I just want to go to bed.”

“Fine, but just know that I didn’t want to come either and it ended up being really fun and good.”

“I’m glad.”

* * *

The day of the parent teacher conference was the worst she had in a long time. Everything slipped through her fingers and she really had a hard time concentrating in anything that wasn’t seeing Bellamy Blake again.

She got home and asked for take-out because she didn’t trust herself with handling food or plates and Madi didn’t say anything. She left her with Abby and went to the school with her palms sweating more than they had in years. Her heart on her throat and a stomach ache that threatened with becoming nausea. 

She really needed to calm down, he was just a person. Her person, in another life, but a person nonetheless.

She got inside and tried to focus on the first few classes she wanted to go to, she had a notebook and a pen in hand to write everything down in case she needed to, because she didn’t trust her memory on a day like that. 

She met every teacher she could before going to mister Blake’s classroom. Almost all of them were surprised that she was so young and she had to explain to every single one of them that she adopted Madi and maybe that’s why she’s sometimes aloof, but her grades weren’t bad. She wasn’t at the top of the class, but she wasn’t failing either. 

She promised she’d try harder to make her study at home and then walked in the hallways

trying to read the name’s in every single room, she did come cross Bellamy’s classroom, but the door was closed, so the butterflies on her stomach died down and she could breath a lot easier too.

When she couldn’t procrastinate anymore she went to his room, where the door was wide open like waiting for her and her stomach did a thing where it felt like it was full of butterflies but also tight. She cleaned her sweaty palms on her jeans and walked into the room.

He was looking down at his laptop and had a little crease in between his eyebrows. He was wearing glasses, big bulky too. That was new. He was clean shaven, not like the picture Raven had and he looked just as beautiful as ever. Maybe if he hadn’t looked up she would’ve run for her life, but he did and he was surprised for a moment, butmasked it pretty well.

“Please take a seat, Miss Griffin.” he asked with a cold tone and even though she knew she deserved it, it still hurt.

“Okay. Good evening.” she sat, rigid, ready to run. He seemed a little less relaxed than before, but his eyes went back to his laptop.

“Hello. Is there anything you wish to know about your daughter’s performance in my class?”

“Yes, is she behaving well? Is she sometimes aloof?” to that his eyes found hers again, probably asking himself if she was doing that in other classes too.

“Plenty of the time it looks like she’s not here, but she usually knows the answers to my questions, she probably reads a lot at home.”

“She does, I just didn’t know she liked your subject so much.” she looked down, because his eyes were too much to handle and as much as she thought she looked put together, her heart hadn’t stopped racing since she got inside the room.

“She seems interested. There is though an incident I need to discuss with you.”

“She cursed in one of your classes.”

“You know.” he said closing his laptop and putting his elbows on the table. She tried really hard not to look at his arms.

“She told me and we talked about it, she’s not doing it again.”

“Just talked about it?”

“Yes.”

“Must be new for you.”

“Bellamy...Mister Blake.” she corrected composing herself, “I’m capable of speaking about this kind of stuff with my daughter.”

“Just not your friends.”

“Are we really doing this at school?”

“Where else? You’ve been here for two months and haven’t even tried to contact anyone other than Raven.”

“I thought you wouldn’t want me to.”

“You could’ve asked.”

She licked her lips and sighed, this was her worst fear. 

“Is there anything else you need to tell me about my daughter?”

“No, she has good grades and can communicate better than you, she actually apologized.”

“Good. I’m living in Raven’s old house. Madi has a pajama party tomorrow night, if you want to talk I’ll be there.”

She stood up before she could take her words back and walked towards the door, but suddenly she could feel his hand on her arm and he turned her around.

“Why would I go when you’re acting like this? Like you don’t even care about it.”

“I don’t want to cause a scene in the school, Bellamy. That’s why.” she hissed taking her arm from out of his hands.

He looked at her with fire in his eyes, like he wanted to say so much and she didn’t know what to expect.

“Why should I go?”

“Because you can ask me whatever you want to and I’ll tell you the truth.”

Someone laughed on the hallway and they pulled apart, she didn’t realize they were so close and against her better intentions she knew that she was blushing, so she just nodded one more time and then walked away, trying not to show in her face how she wanted to cry all of a sudden.

She got into her car and drove to her house, she couldn’t go to get Madi, not yet, she needed a good cry first and she did just that the moment she crossed the door. Bellamy looked so mad, but she knew him, under all that anger there was sadness and she put it there.

She was the reason for that and she hated herself for that because Bellamy Blake deserved happiness and if life would be different, if they lived in another time, another world, she knew that she’d be his. She knew that he’d be the one for her, because maybe he was too in this life.

But she wasn’t prepared to admit that just yet.

After she cried for ten whole minutes in her bathroom she washed her face and put some drops on her eyes, because she really needed to look normal.

Neither Madi nor her mother realized she was heartbroken, she said she was tired and really wanted to go to bed and as soon as she could get in her bed she felt like crying again, but this time not because of how much she had hurt Bellamy, because she realized in the drive home that maybe if she had done things differently Madi wouldn’t just have her and Raven, she’d have Bellamy and Octavia and Monty and Harper would come more often because they wouldn’t have to choose to spend their one free day with one or the other. Maybe she’d have Murphy and his wife too.

Maybe if she hadn’t left everyone out of the loop, she and Madi would have a chosen family and that made her feel like shit all over again.

* * *

The next day was just like the last one, Madi was laughing at her for dropping yet another thing when Raven knocked the door.

“Someone’s happy.” she said instead of hello and Madi moved her eyebrows.

“I think something’s going to happen today” she mocked whispered while Clarke just rolled her eyes.

“Why?”

“My mom’s been jumpy and clumsy all day and that only happened twice before and both times she had a date.”

“You got yourself a hot date, Griffin?” 

“No, Reyes. Now go finish that house, she’s been pestering me non stop about it.”

“You do! My God! Who is it?”

“Raven.” she warned and understanding dawned on her.

“Oh my God.” she whispered sobering up.

“What? What is it?”

“I just remembered I left my tools in the car, would you be a doll and bring them to me?” asked Raven with her best innocent face.

“Fine, let me out of the conversation, I’ll know eventually.” she said rolling her eyes and then walked outside.

“Did you guys finally talked things out?” whispered Raven going closer to her friend.

“No, he’s maybe coming today to do that.”

“What do you mean maybe?”

“I told him that I didn’t want to talk at the school so he could come tonight while Madi was at her pajama party. I don’t know if he will, though.”

“Why do you guys have to be so dramatic? Couldn’t you talk yesterday?”

“No, Madi was at my mom’s. I couldn’t leave her there for too long.”

Raven was about to say something but Madi came back with the tools, so she just smiled and walked to the backyard with the girl, leaving Clarke alone with her thoughts once again.

Would he come? What would he ask? Would he still hate her when she told him everything?

She decided to go outside with the girls, she needed some distraction, but maybe just watching them because she was so clumsy that she didn’t trust herself with a hammer.

As the hours passed she felt more and more worried, and when it was time to leave Madi at her friends house her hands were trembling.

“Are you okay, mom?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.”

“If you don’t want to, it’s okay. I didn’t want to force you to do something last week.”

“No, Mads, this has nothing to do with that, it’s not your fault. I just have to do something I’ve been postponing.”

“You always tell me not to do that.”

“I know, I should take my own advices.” she smiled at her daughter and she did as well. She got to her friend's house and kissed Madi goodbye before driving back home.

She tried to concentrate in the road, because she couldn’t risk having an accident, Madi couldn’t take it again, so when she got home she was almost distracted enough that she almost didn’t notice the Rover outside her house. 

Her heart started racing and her hands were even more unstable, but she managed to park outside and as soon as she got outside of her car he did too.

“Hi” she said walking to the door, without looking at him.

“Hello” he responded, as awkward as her, without the formality element she couldn’t muster enough energy to not be embarrassed.

“Come in” she said opening the door, after two tries.

“Thanks.”

They walked inside and then things got more awkward, she didn’t know what to do or say, so she walked towards the kitchen.

“Take a seat, can I get you something?”

“Just water” he answered, at least this time it was more than one word. She poured water for both of them and then put her cold hands on her cheeks, breathing deeply. She could do this, right?

“So? What do you want to know?” she asked when she got back to the living room, trying to rip the band aid.

“Why? Why did you leave? Why didn’t you pick up the phone? Why did you just disappear?”

She took a deep breath again and drank some water, because her throat was too dry. “Remember the night we had that big fight? The first one we had since we started dating?” he nodded, “I don’t even remember why we fought… all I know is that it was something small and I was so mad at you, I remember I called my dad and said that I needed a break from the small town life, I thought I needed to go to New York for you to miss me enough that you’d be sorry for whatever we fought about.”

“You wanted to go to Yosemite, I said I didn’t have money for it and you said that you could pay for it, that it could be a road trip, it would be cheap. I didn’t want for you to pay for everything.”

“Huh… well, thing is, I needed to get out of here because my mom was being difficult and so were you, he said I could and I just took the first fly there. Problem was that it arrived at twelve am. He said he’d pick me up, but he wasn’t there when I arrived.” her voice started wobbling and her eyes to water, but she needed to power through. “I called him a few times and he didn’t pick up, after an hour someone finally did, it was a paramedic. My dad was in a car crush.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah, I went to the hospital in a cab and was there when he died. He died because of me, Bellamy. If I hadn’t been a brat, he wouldn’t...he…”

“Clarke… don’t do that to yourself.”

“No, don’t be nice to me.” she wiped her tears and looked down again, “I didn’t pick up the phone because I felt like I didn’t deserve you. I killed my dad and in the process another couple died too. Thing is, the other driver was drunk and he collided with my dad. That guy was Madi’s dad and he was with Madi’s mom on the car.”

“That’s why you adopted her.”

“They put her in the system, I asked if I could foster her and they said that I’d need to live in the same area as her because they wanted to disrupt her life as little as possible. So I did, I got a job on a hospital there, but it was a very poor one, so the pay wasn’t good, but I had some money that my dad left me, I was fine.”

“Then why didn’t you tell us? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I...I hated myself at first, I felt like I didn’t deserve you. Any of you and then… it was so strange, it’s like I was on autopilot, just going through life, didn’t even charge my phone, just ate what mymom made me eat and then just stare at a wall. I had to go to therapy and when I started getting better, all I wanted to do was make it up to Madi. They died because of me, too.”

“Clarke, they died because he was drunk. Maybe if your father hadn’t been coming to you he’d killed himself and his partner too by hitting a tree.” she heard him a lot closerand he was, he was sitting by her side and then his hand was on hers, “ I can’t believe you went through all of that alone.”

“I had Madi.”

“But before her, Clarke why didn’t you let me be there?”

“I told you! I didn’t deserve you!” she screamed standing up, “I still don’t. But you deserve the truth. I’m a mess, Bellamy.”

“So am I. We fought because I was too proud to accept your money. Then your dad died because of me.”

“No! Don’t say that!”

“That’s how ridiculous you sound when you say it.”

Clarke deflated, as ready as she was to fight him she knew he was right. It wasn’t her fault, or his. She had arrived to that conclusion in therapy, but having his validation made it finally dawn on her. 

“I… I’m sorry” she whispered before hugging herself and starting crying.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” he enveloped her in his arms and she let her arms surround him and pull him close. She missed his arms so much. This used to be her place, way before they kissed for the first time.

Way before they started hanging out everyday, before they got drunk together for the first time, before they got into the same college together. Since he picked Octavia and her up from a party they shouldn’t be at, when they were fifteen. They were only there because she needed a distraction from the fact that her first boyfriend had made her the other woman. 

He had sternly nagged her for being so irresponsible while O was sleeping on the back seat and she started crying and couldn’t stop. He pulled over after a few minutes and forced her to come out of the car to hug her. While sternly telling her to pick better next time.

He had become her rock ever since.

And God, had she missed her rock.

“It’s not okay, I hurt you. You didn’t deserve that, Bell.”

“Shht. It’s fine.”

“It’s not! You deserved better.”

“Stop talking about what I deserve or deserved, it’s what got us into this mess.”

“It’s not really a mess, I got Madi.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“I think she would’ve end up in the system either way.”

“Yeah, good thing you found her. She seems happy with you.”

“I’m happy with her too.”

He kissed her head and Clarke almost melts, God had she missed that. How was it so easy for him to just go back to how things were so soon?

“Can I ask you something else?” he asked, this time kind of unsure.

“Yes, anything.”

“And you’ll respond truthfully?”

“Yes, I promise.”

“Would you’ve done anything differently?”

She could feel the vulnerability in his voice, he was asking about them. Was he… could she have hope for them still? After six years?

“Yes. Everything would be different today. Except for Madi”

“How?”

“I would’ve picked up the phone, Bell.” He held her tighter and so did she, she missed him so much. She just wished to have him in her life. “I don’t know how you feel now, andI don’t expect you to want to be in my life again but I want to let you know that...It would’ve been fun if you would’ve been the one.”

“I’m not then?” he asked after a few seconds.

“Do you still want to?” she asked finally pulling apart to see his eyes, they were still hugging, though.

“I… I thought I didn’t. I thought I moved on, but…”

“I haven’t. I tried, I dated a couple of times, but… they just weren’t...you, I guess.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” he wiped her tears with his right hand and then started caressing her cheek and she closed her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too. Should’ve tried harder.”

She smiled and opened her eyes, his were close and so full of adoration it was hard for her to believe he could still feel that way for her, even after all she put him through.

“How can you forgive me so easily?”

“Actually, a little bird talked to me in school today. She told me she knew we used to be close and she asked me why you lied about it. She said she saw the picture.”

“What picture?”

“The one you kept under your pillow.”

“Oh.” she could feel her face redden and she tried not to look at him in the eyes. “I… it was… a way to still feel connected to you, I guess.”

“Which one was it?”

“The picture Raven took of us in the lake, the day after our first date, when we were still keeping it a secret.”

“The one where we were splashing each other in the lake?”

“Yeah, we looked so happy. It made me believe maybe one day we could be friends again.”

“Is that all you want?”

“No, I just didn’t think I’d deserv-…” she couldn’t finish her sentence because his lips were suddenly on hers and she needed them for something more important than talking. Her whole skin felt on fire and his soft lips felt like coming home. Because they were, he was her home.

“Can I take you on a date?” he asked smiling once they separated, but he put his forehead on hers, seemingly as reluctant as her to be away from each other again.

“Of course you can, we could also just order some take out and call it a date”

“I like the way you think” he said before kissing her again.

“Wait! What did you tell Madi?”

“When?”

“When she asked you why I lied?”

“I told her she should ask you, but I told her we used to be best friends. You should tell her what happened.”

“I don’t want her to feel like it’s her fault I never came back here, I know what it’s like to live with guilt.”

“We can tell her together, if you want. Make it obvious it was always your choice.”

“I’d like that. But I don’t know if I should tell her we’re dating just yet. She’s really bad with change.”

“Whenever you’re ready.”

“How can you still be so perfect?”

“Maybe don’t inflate my ego so much” he said smiling and suddenly they were kissing again. She wasn’t complaining though, she had missed his kisses.

* * *

It was great again, as great as it was before. It felt like they picked up right were they left and she couldn’t stop smiling. Madi seemed to know something was up, but she didn’t say anything.

Clarke started coming to the bar on Saturdays, those days Madi would stay with Abby or her best friend Aria.

It was hard at first, Octavia hated her and was very vocal about it, her and Bellamy had a huge fight one day because of it, they had been keeping private that they were dating again, but that day she found out. She was livid and left with her boyfriend Levitt.

Murphy said he had figured out they were back together and everyone else did too. They were actually happy for them, they didn’t know the whole story but supported them.

It took a one on one conversation for Octavia to accept her again, Clarke told her everything and she actually hugged her when she finish telling her story.

“You should've start with that,” she said still a little mad, but much more understanding. She started coming with Raven on saturdays to build stuff in her backyard since then and later Bellamy joined them too. 

Three months after their second first kiss, Bellamy was driving Madi back from her pajama party because Clarke had woken up with the flu. 

She couldn’t get out of bed, so instead of going home like he usually did when they had the house for themselves, he went to pick up Madi. Which Clarke was thankful for, butalso a bit scared. She’d be worried sick if she wasn’t already so sick she couldn’t really think much.

But then they came home and Madi run upstairs to check on her with Bellamy trailing behind.

“You look like crap.” she said giving her a glass of water.

“Thanks. How was your night?”

“Super fun, Aria has a new puppy and we got to walk it yesterday. Plus her mom makes great waffles.”

“I’m glad. Did Bellamy go home?”

“No, I’m right here, figured you’re not in shape to cook.”

“Don’t you have stuff to do today?”

“I just have to grade some tests, they’re in the car I can do it downstairs.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, just rest. I’ll make you some soup and something good for me and Madi. Sound good?”

“Yeah. Can I help you grade?”

“You just want to see what your score was.”

“No, I also want to see Aria’s and Ethan’s.”

“Well in that case...no. You can do your homework and I can help with that, though.”

“Fine.”

They left the room and Clarke fell asleep almost instantly. She didn’t know what to think of them being alone in her house and how would Madi take it, but being honest she really couldn’t think much. Good thing it was saturday and she didn’t have a shift that day. 

She woke up to a soup and kiss on her temple.

“Thank you, babe.”

“Whatever your heart desires, princess.”

“Everything okay down there?” she asked sitting up.

“Yeah, she says she knows we’re dating and she gave me her blessing.”

“What?”

“Yeah, she also asked if I could stay until monday, because someone has to drive her to school.”

“That’s… good? Do you like it?”

“Of course I do, if I could move in I would. I do get it now, though. She looked kind of scared for a moment there, she’s a little bit afraid.”

“She’s trying her best.”

“I know and that’s why I love her. And you.”

“I love you too, Bell.”


End file.
